There are people and things in my life that just seem to haunt me… Although I am very extroverted, sometimes things get stuck in my head and just when I think I have gotten over them, they come flying back in my face! So once again, a dilemma I have been thinking over for oh, I don’t know, maybe 2 years or more has come back to make me insane! Out of the blue! (sort of) ok here goes…. Maybe writing it down will offer some clarity or at least remove it from my mind???
I am about to go to my 10 Year high school reunion. I didn’t think I wanted to go, but I am going with a lot of good & old friends and I am really hoping that I will get to see people that I loved, and just have a good ole time. That being said, I have pulled out my yearbooks etc. And that has brought to light the internal debate I have been having for years now. (ps. Just writing about this is freaking me out…ahhhh!!) ok……
In high school, I had a good friend “Z”. We became friends my freshman year, and we started hanging out more and more. I will not deny that at first, I had a crush on “Z” but really it was a great friendship. We would talk on the phone for hours, we hung out a lot, and the thing I loved the most was what we deemed our “discussions” where we would debate world issues and other stuff. We never agreed on this stuff, but that was what made it interesting. It certainly wasn’t a perfect friendship, Z pissed me off quite a bit, and did a few things that made me question our friendship, but I knew that Z was my friend. About our senior year of high school we began drifting apart. I had a new boyfriend, and he was different somehow. We were friends, but we didn’t spend much time together anymore. After high school, I only saw him once and it felt awkward, like we didn’t know each other anymore. And I guess we really didn’t…
About 2 years ago, I found out that Z was sick. I kinda freaked, I wanted to call, to say hey, can I help, but… I chickened out. I was too scared. Scared it would be awkward; scared that he would think I was crazy, just afraid in general. So, I decided that I just could not do it and I put it out of my mind. For a while I forgot about it, but ever once in a while I will have some dream with him in it. Nothing exciting, but he is there, and once again, I feel like I need to call, but I don’t……
So now, we are at the 10-year mark. My world has drastically changed. I had a nightmare the other night and Z was there again. I want to call AGAIN, but I am a coward of the worst kind, and I really don’t want to dump all of my own “stuff” on someone I “used” to know. I feel horrible that I cannot make myself feel uncomfortable enough to reach out to someone I really care about. I guess this is less of a dilemma, and more of a confession. I am hoping that by writing this all out and actually posting it, I will get up the courage to do what I should have done a while ago. I think about myself, I know how much it would mean to me to have someone call me like that…
Ok so I am going to do it, maybe not right this minute, but soon, I swear. Sorry for the long vent, but then again, that is why I have this thing right?!? I love you all very much!!!xoxoxooxoxox
Maybe it is time we all called someone we “used” to know…………
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Okay... you and I have talked about this a lot, and I really do think you should call. Maybe he really isn't the person he used to be, you know? And if he isn't then you can finally get over the image that you think he is. And if he is the same, then you can rekindle some kind of friendship. Or at the least you can catch up with him. I also would like to know what he is up to, so I may not be the right person to give you advice. :) So, I can only give my biased opinion. But, if you are still thinking of him, I think you should bite the bullet and at least give hime a call. Right now would be a great time to call because you have a "reason" since the reunion is coming up. We both know he won't be there, but you could say that you have been thinking about him since the reunion info. came out. Maybe you need me to be there when you call. :) Like we are in highschool again. :) Hee hee... Let me know what you decide to do!
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