I have been thinking a lot about forgiveness lately. I realized that although I don't think I am a person that holds grudges, I am still carrying around some extra baggage I just can't seem to put down. Rude comments, friends who let me down, someone who humiliated me.... If I no longer think about this stuff or more importantly care about it, than why is it that I can re-tell the story of the incident almost word for word? I think that I have been in denial about these things, and more importantly that I need to simply forgive the people who have hurt me. Period. It does not matter that they may STILL be an awful jerk, or that they don't deserve my forgiveness. The fact is, I don't think I am able to be truly done with some of this crap until I can find a way to forgive people who have never apologized and who may not even know they need my forgiveness. Overall, I need to forgive them so that I can let this stuff go. Does that mean I plan to run out and give them all big hugs, or be BFF? Nope, it just gives me an ending; it allows me to forgive myself. Because if you really think about it, these grudges we hold, the painful words we recall, all of the things we still hold on to.... The reason it is so upsetting is because you begin to wonder if they are right. You get scared that either they can see the things you are trying to hide, or else there is something there you never saw. It touches on your insecurities. And so you turn it in on yourself You berate yourself using their words or actions as proof that all the bad things you think about yourself are true... It is a lot to think about but I am working on truly letting go and forgiving them and myself so I can use my energy on things for me! Lots of Love!! xoxoxoxoxox
2 comments:
Energy, a key word here, is something I often have to consider. You're always hearing how important it is to let anger go because it simply isn't healthy and in reality, people who you feel have wronged you, often do not realize they have done so. Even if you confront the individual, there's a strong chance the person will not be able to make it right or to even understand it. Maybe we're just too focused on ourselves. It's easy to be selfish.
We go through life being ourselves, sometimes we take the easy way out, sometimes we get in our own way, and sometimes we're just oblivious to other people's pain.
I guess what helps me is trying to focus on the other person's perspective, viewpoint, or experience. Does it mean this person is right? No, it just means they are seeing it through their own eyes.
We are shaped by what we experience, what we are exposed to, and often, it is not what the other person would consider ideal.
So, you could share your painful experience with the other person, and maybe they'll make it right, and maybe they won't. If not, it is then up to you to decide if you can accept the person for who they are, forgive and forget, or set a new expectation and just maybe, let the relationship go for your ultimate health and happiness.
Whew! I know, maybe too much. I write quickly as Imogen screams here and there and Hadley demands grapes (She's recently had breakfast). :) But truly, I want to say, if you have grievances toward me, I wish to make every effort to make it right. But hopefully, I'm not in the doghouse. :)
Lots o' love,
Daniellie
WOW!! Look at my girlies!! I am totally impressed by all of your thoughtful words and the honesty that your comments hold! I love it & I am really excited that what I said made sense..not that I am any closer to reconciling my own demons! And sweet Danielle, Don't worry, you sre certainly NOT in the Dog house with me!!!! :)
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