Having a Party (a pity party) :)

Ok with the encouragement from Karla, I really need to vent for a moment. My blood work is still the same!!!! I am just so frustrated with it. I thought for sure that 2 weeks would handle this. I have to go back for lab work next Wednesday, but it begins to be depressing when you feel like you are making no progress… How can I get well if I can’t complete my clinical trial? How can I start moving on with my life if low blood counts make me tired and I know I still have a lot of chemo to make up… it really isn’t as much about the blood work as it is just frustration as to where my life is right now. ON HOLD. I really want to look for jobs, but now that chemo is being pushed back it is hard for me to know when that will be a possibility. Then there is school… the debt going to school is creating is becoming an issue for me. Also, I know what I want to do, but the program won’t start until next fall! So that is another year of my life just waiting for a program!! I will be 85 and a recent graduate at this point!!!!! (insert a scream here ) I know, I know, I must be patient, and I am. I am grateful for everything I have and everyone!! This is just another moment of frustration, which I know will pass, and I know that everyone feels. It is sometimes hard for me to even vent about things because I know how lucky I am. I see people all the time who are suffering way more that I am and I feel guilty for having the gall to complain when I know how bad it can be…So forgive my selfishness as someone who is just overt-tired and just a little bit lost at the moment. Don’t worry though, it is gonna get better I know it. My blood work will get better & so will I!!! :) All my love xoxoxoxoxoxo Gracie